| epiphanies. |
[16 Dec 2011|12:42pm] |
it occurred to me last night that i have a severe case of social anxiety.
this explains things.
a lot of things.
It's been a problem since the age of 10, I'd say. When the mental and verbal abuse started. Now I know why I'm afraid to talk to people. Even my friends. This is a symptom. I must now treat it. Many Band-Aids in my future.
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take my hand?
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| give a little bit of your love to me.... |
[19 Sep 2011|04:21pm] |
i'm at work. posting in my livejournal. ehehhe. i feel so naughty naughty. life is boring.
however, last weekend was just the bee's knees. went out to The Gorge (funnily located in George, WA) for IDentity. wowee was that the best festival ever. tried to roll, apparently i am immune. casey looked at my pupils and said i was "feeling it" but i dont believe it really did much of anything. or i was already high on life. some guy (later named alex) decided he wanted to dance the night away with me. i was a little pissed off becuase quite frankly, i was not there to pick up dudes. simply wanted to dance and listen to some great music. oh well. he asked for my number, i gave it to him, he called me last... monday? i haven't responded.
simply put, i do NOT want a boyfriend at this point in time. i'm in no way stable enough to even think about putting any emotion into anybody but myself. it may sound selfish, but this is how i am right now. i dont hate it.
work sucks. i do not want to do this anymore. need to go back to school.
washington sucks. the weather is downright awful. hello no summer.
got a gym membership over the weekend. really looking forward to swimming my cares away once again. did 30mins on the elliptical yesterday and 20mins in the water. along with some weird ass ab machine that made me feel like a jackass because i had to keep looking at the diagram then try to do the exercise on it. everybody in the seattle area seems very full of themselves and judgemental. even though this is pretty technically speaking THE GHETTO. whatev. everybody in the pool was fat. i know the displacement of water from me wouldn't have spilled over the edges. i do feel like i have gained some extra jiggle over the past few months, and i have no idea how. seeing as everything i eat is organic and fresh. i hardly ever eat cooked food. no meat EVER. no pasta. basically veggies and fruit. the occasional handful of chips, subway, or cheese. other than that... no idea where this jiggle bottom is coming from. uhhhggg. probably the wine. must limit intake. thats depressing in itself because wine is the only thing that i'm really enjoying about life right now. but maybe it'll keep me from smoking, too.
my hair almost touches my shoulders :) never ever ever ever cutting my hair ever again.
ignore tom ignore tom ignore tom.
hellooooo, i'm batty
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1 walked away from this hell
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take my hand?
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| i spent the past 18 hours in the same damn place. |
[22 Aug 2011|10:06pm] |
today was possibly one of the most mortifying/devastating days of my life.
every cell in my brain is triggered. how could i have been so careless? i know that i thought i was in love all those many times... but love cannot protect you. in all honesty it could be worse. yet, i still have to live with this for the rest of my life. my pelvis is hurting, trying to figure out where that missing hunk of cervix is. my arm is sore from the stolen blood. my body is tired. my mind is tired.
how is it that i'm eating the healthiest ever, exercising more than ever, being as healthy as possible, and i'm 5 pounds heavier? bullshit.
we experienced a return to the seattle norm today. rain added with more rain, a pinch of humidity because, apparently by the date on the calendar, its "summer" fuck this.
time to stock up on antioxidant rich foods.
after this past year i just don't think i'm ever going to have sex again.
i just want to feel normal. i want to feel like a person again. this isn't real. life is an illusion.
drink more wine, slip back down into the atmosphere.
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1 walked away from this hell
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take my hand?
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[20 Aug 2011|11:01pm] |
got the ultimate compliment today....
somebody is trying to be me.
it not me, because, well, i am already me.
women are wily creatures that will stop at nothing to claim what the want.
we are the wolves
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take my hand?
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| random thoughts coupled with glasses of wine. |
[18 Aug 2011|10:50pm] |
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 anxious |
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once again the computer along with journaling has become my reprieve. man oh man, am i a creature of simple pleasures/habits. journaling has to be the most healthy thing a person can do. your most inner thoughts that you cannot verbalize to anybody else; jotted down hastily in a digital journal. as it is easier to read(handwriting tends to get sloppy) i think its much easier to rant in typing form than writing by hand. i still feel somewhat blasphemous to the handwritten arts as i do not want to lose my dexterity for writing things by hand, yet i write plenty throughout the day, and will continue to do so. this has no impact on the muscles in my hands.
today. walked quite a bit, probably an hour and a half. i find myself wandering. quite often. talked to tom today. as always, not a fun experience. i give up on trying to forgive him and try to help him through his problems. i must concentrate on myself. he really isn't worth it. it sounds so awful to actually have it sitting texted out in front of me. however it is empowering. i wish i never met him. none of the current world would be true if it weren't for him. although i am somewhat grateful. as i have never had these ambitions before.
i will get my associates in science.... then pursue the remainder of my degree in Auckland, NZ
always desperately craving to reinvent myself. to start anew.
i'm scared that my 20's will go too quickly. as did the time from 16 to now. which is the same amount of years until i'm 30. god, thats terrifying.
was looking at craigslist today at work. random cities. random states. searching jobs/apartments. stumbled upon an akron listing. looking at the blue building i was thinking to myself, "god, that apartment looks so familiar" as i look at the other pictures(the way they're oriented-bathroom mirror with shower to the right-doorway-kitchen orientation) "oh my god, that's kris' apartment! i've had sex in that apartment"! holy lord that was a strange strange moment. the walls that hold your past intimacies posted on craigslist. i thought with all of these random signs of kris in the recent few days, i should try to talk to him. later on, i texted him.
still no reply. i wonder where he moved to.... what he plans on doing... if he's moving to phoenix with his brother. or if his brother has developed a new relationship which will inhibit them from moving. its happened before. women have such a hindering way about them.
wow i feel like a jerk for doing that. oh well. life is about what you've done, not what you've hesitated on doing. at least i did it.
day 2 of walking past the taqueria and resisting the tempting call of tequila.
lydia comes back tomorrow. thank baby jesus i will not go insane. we need to have another night of shenanigans. i love her. its strange your best friend being a kenyan lesbian, but we make it work, and i encourage her with everything she does. she has the same support for me. thats a great quality in any person. no matter their sexual preference. who am i kidding? i was never prejudice, as i was raised from 15 by a lesbian couple. yet still, i wish these were things that the majority of the christian republican congress could understand. maybe they're just covering it up because they were butt fucked by their priest back in the day, and they're holding it against the gay community that doesn't want to hide behind a cloak and cross.
the postal service is always a perfect fit for these moods i'm in when writing.
don't you feed me lies about some idealistic future.
your heart wont heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures.
so true. i need to let go of everything from my past.
hold onto myself.
its all i have.
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take my hand?
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[17 Aug 2011|11:01pm] |
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I was feeling sad Can't help looking back Highways flew by Run, run, run away No sense of time Want you to stay Want keep you inside Run, run, run away Lost, lost, lost my mind Want you to stay Want you to be my prize Run, run, run away Lost, lost, lost my mind Want you to stay Want you to be my prize I was feeling sad Can't help looking back Highways flew by Run, run, run away No sense of time Want you to stay Want keep you inside All along, not so strong without these open arms Hold on tight All along, not that strong without these open arms Lie beside All along, not so strong without these open arms Ride beside Run, run, run away Lost, lost, lost my mind Want you to stay Want you to be my prize Run, run, run away Lost, lost, lost my mind Want you to stay Want you to be my prize
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take my hand?
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| out of gas, out of road, out of car, I don't know how i'm going to go |
[17 Aug 2011|10:29pm] |
fuck wednesday. on my walk home from work i was tempted to stop in the local taqueria and have a mighty strong margarita, yet, rather than wasting 8 dollars on one drink i picked up a cheap bottle of wine with a hefty alcohol content. damn, i've always been a cheap drunk. my bad moods preside over the daily grind. no matter how the day goes, an ever bad mood is present. so.... what the hell? i'm going to drink my money away. i looked at my most recent paystub... and my total gross income was.. well.... gross to me. 8500 dollars in about 4 months. how much is in my bank account? about a grand. sad that i've made all that money, and i only have an eighth of it. i really need to learn how to start spending wiser, as, i don't think i want to stay in washington, however, how am i going to get anywhere without a certain amount of money? i know i have 4 months until our lease is up. yet, i know with still paying down debts i am somewhat fucked. fuck fuck fuck. i'm not too sure if i can take another year of this place. possibly getting out of this area will improve my disposition, yet i'm doubting such. as i am generally just unhappy. possibly once i start school it will get better. i really am assuming such. just need to get through 2 more years. i have found a cheap school that will supply me with a sufficient enough degree to resume school in new zealand. HOORAH. life plans.
saturday i went over to honna's house to help her with some upkeep chores. i.e. ripping down hideous wallpaper regurgitated from the 1970s into 2011. we had a great time. she's just about the nicest person i have ever met. has a beautiful aura around her. the things she tells me are just amazing. she has had a very interesting life. her boyfriend, kevin, who is about 20 years younger than her is a livelier. i find myself running to keep up with his sentences, and i'm still lightyears behind his ADD thought process. nonetheless, he's a great person, and he loves her. suppose thats all that matters.
pandora is playing in the background. of course, recently switched stations to Modest Mouse. as this is the result of a dream i had last night. damn my fucking dreams. something about kris and i having sex in his apartment, him asking me to marry him, i end up making him breakfast, then burning the place down with bacon grease. that fucker. haunting me in my dreams, months after he left me high and dry. i wonder what he thinks when he thinks about me(If) skinny little loathsome asshole. he was the most free thinker no matter. we could've done some serious damage.
its quite possible i'm losing my mind.
bought some cigarettes today. oops. smoked some. oops.
oh.
right.
saturday.
got back to the apartment around midnight. sit in my car a few extra seconds to text somebody. emerge from my car (see a patrol car so i'm not too worried about anything) pass some half nigger with a budlight tall boy in his hand. he's quite stumbling. "do not make eye contact, stay on your path" i think to myself. drunk asshole starts following me. asking to talk. asking to talk. i say nothing, keep walking. finally after his persistent drunk cries, i answer him. " i don't want to talk to you, i'm going to bed. have a good night"
"oh baby you aint never seen a nigga like me, just lemme swap witchu for a minute"
at this point i'm completely lost. as i have no swag, he is drunk, and i do not speak ghetto. long story short. it ends with him trying to hug me and kiss me on the neck, pulling dollar bills out of his pockets to show me he "aint no scrub" i shove him off of me, run up the stairs, as he's pulling his pants down trying to show me his dick. HOLY FUCKING CHRIST ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! is this what the world has come to? i think there should me some sort of test put into affect. if you do not pass, you do not get to live. this world is just wayyyy too much ignorance for me. i know that its everywhere, but the most of it seems to be concentrated in Kent, WA.
i believe that a mass event is coming, and i'm hoping that the majority of the people taken in it are these types of people. i am making peace with my outer and inner body. i know my inner self will live on, therefore i'm okay if i have to be taken in this catastrophe.
lydia has left me for the week. i am sad. she's in colorado. this week has been most wretched. we went to some bar last week, got really wasted, played some pool. i met a beautiful scottish man. he told me i was beautiful. we had very innocent conversations. which is quite the feat for me. considering how i am when i'm drunk. i forgot to get his number. he djs there every once and a while, so i'm hoping to run into him again. mmmm... pretty man with accent.
what is my next move? this is such a terrible situation.
on happier notes; my hair grows pretty quickly. finally the hair on my temples is past my ears, and i can finally start growing out the length. i refuse to EVER cut my hair again. i don't care about split ends, i don't care about mismatched colors, i am a hippie child that will never ever ever cut my hair. that pixie was just WAY too short for my liking. my shoulders are too broad for that haircut. i have never felt so insecure in my life. terrible decision. i haven't felt like myself at all for the past 6 months. and wont feel like myself for probably another 6 months. oh well, thats all life is, time waiting on time to try to find yourself and feel like a person. which i don't much anymore.
oh life and your cruel lessons! curses *shakes fist in angerment*
i am always facetious and self loathing.fuck.
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take my hand?
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| lost myself again |
[22 Jul 2009|10:53pm] |
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everyday ends in a fight. everyday comes to a close with false endings. can't just be my friend. envelope me. although i know that its no longer that simple. its changed so vastly from what it used to be. i wish that you could see this. its so much easier to type than to say. probably the reason that i'm doing this in the first place. because i know that i could never have these words come forth from my mouth. there is no other vessel. every night is spent with a glass of water tainted with vodka. no other better truth serum. the only way i can let out my emotions and let neglect show its face. the neglect that you have shown me. all i want is to start living for myself again. without having to worry about strapping this mess back together. i am ready. if only i could be dead to you. then it wouldn't be such a problem. oh squandering for nothing but my own identity, i should just be out begging for pennies, thats all its worth.
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1 walked away from this hell
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take my hand?
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| i cant fight the wind. |
[22 Jul 2009|12:30am] |
everyday that goes by i dont know who i am more and more. rather than treating myself to a virginia trip for my birthday, i'd rather buy an acoustic guitar and drill myself for hours until i could play again. as the days go by my life is seeming to revolve more and more around me, and its empowering. i care less and less. i guess this is falling out of love.
all i have is little enough to carry where i go
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take my hand?
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| wants. |
[08 Mar 2009|05:58pm] |
i want to be like them.
the girls that have long lanky limbs, gorgeous long hair that can wear anything. who can go dj at a club in a ridiculous get up and still have people fawning over them.
i want to be like them.
the girls that can after a night of clubbing, dress in a hippy outfit and go enjoy the beach with a beautiful body and not feel a bit of self loathing.
this will be me in the future.
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take my hand?
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| we're all just breakable girls and boys. |
[20 Nov 2008|09:53pm] |
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this week has been going pretty well, new job, new people, new issues (OF COURSE!)
i've BY FAR met the strangest woman in the world. her name is Janice, but she spells it Janus. "because its the name of her company. blah blah blah" she stands around sometimes and then starts singing "oh i love a parade" and starts clapping and bouncing. her mouth never shuts and she has done EVERYTHING. today her latest and greatest "i invented it" moment was: "My best friend and i were rapping before anybody even knew what it was."
OH YEAH. she really claimed that one. ahah.
so i wont be getting my first paycheck until next monday. which is really a bother. its been so long since i could fill up my gas tank on my own money. really, i dont care how hellish this job is, i have to keep it. have have have to. the longer i stay there, the closer i will be to actually being able to go back to school. i'm estimating that it will take the next six months to clear all my shit up. i can deal with that. i know that the two longest held jobs for me were actually ones that i liked, but i think i can handle it. weekly paychecks are amazing, and that means i will never run out of smokes or rum. which will definetly medicate me once i get home from work.
today i almost fell asleep though. watching powerpoints is a snoozefest, and i definetly nodded off. it was amazing, the first time i've ever done that really (while trying to pay attention to pertinent info.) the eyes twitched, went crossed, and my neck gave out. oh what a wonderful expirience that was. i almost felt like if i could see myself, thats what i would look like if i ever shot up. i feel like i looked that creepy.
and today seems to be national "laura should really just destined to be a spinster when she gets older because she has a hard time getting along with any and all men" day. the friction is just. ridiculous. give me my cats, a bottle, a front porch and a rocking chair, then i'll be okay.
ooo00oooo. yeah its crazy ugly/beautiful outside. i can't help but love hate it. earlier i smoked/cleaned out my car, afterwards i made a peace sign in the middle of the road by going heel to toe. its large, its grand, and i intend on having a picture of it shortly here. although it will probably have to be redone considering that was about an hour ago and the snow is coming down fast.
THIS. Is what i'm doing to my hair with that first paycheck, along with getting my phone back on. HALLEFUCKINGLUJAH.
ps.
to hannah:
the last comment you left me was amazing. i didn't even realize it was that long until today. personally, i agree with everything you said, and i'm overjoyed to have you in my life. i tried to text you ealier (via aim) you never got back to mE, TRANNY! we should definetly discuss it in greater detail though. hopefully tomorrow night goes as planned. as i'm very excited for it, but snow belt weather can and sometimes does ruin amazing plans.
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3 walked away from this hell
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take my hand?
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[03 Sep 2008|01:53am] |
new journal.
better thoughts.
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take my hand?
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[09 Aug 2008|02:45am] |
my arms are searching for you
my arms are outstretched towards you,
i feel you on my fingertips
my tounge dances behind my lips for you.
i fire rising through my being
burning i'm not used to seeing you.
i'm alive.
i can feel you all around me
thickening the air i'm breathing
holding onto what i'm feeling
savouring this heart thats healing
my hands float up above me,
and you whisper you love me.
and i begin to fade
into our secret place
the music makes me sway
the angels singing say we are alone with you
i am alone and they are too with you
i'm alive..
and so i cry
the light is white
and i see you
............
its been one year.
<p>god i miss you.<p/>
tomorrow i'm going to find daisies for you.
i hope you dont mind that i'm late.
i'm not over it, and if i could trade anything in this world it would be to bring you back.
i wish you weren't so selfless, because then, maybe you'd still be here.
you're still so important to me, and its selfish of me to want you to come back.
i convulse when i realize that it can't be undone.
iloveyou
iloveyou
imissyou
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take my hand?
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| she's got a killers grin on... |
[05 Aug 2008|01:08am] |
well then.
this past week or so has been fun, yet oh so confusing.
She walks in as I'm walking out
should i try this once again? should i try this once again?
and as we kiss i remember how it felt
to fall in love when i was young
but i can't get that feeling back
she's got a killers grin on
or maybe I'm just too jaded now
my god the killer is waiting
don't say you care i know you don't
and i won't leave ill try and pretend
and i won't leave ill try and pretend
cause we've got nothing to lose
but time so here we go again
I know you've been patient
but i can't stop from thinking
that when this ends
we'll be the worst of enemies
and now, and as she leaves
i remember times we shared
can we try this once again?
cause baby you're just what i need
and as the night grows cold
well hold me tight, don't let me go
we got it all wrong but baby we'll figure it out
as you say that you care, i know you don't
and i wont leave ill try and pretend
and i wont leave ill try and pretend
cause we've got nothing to lose
but time so here we go again
dry your eyes, and come home
i feel so alone, and i do know
this is done now, but we will try until the bitter end
but we never made it
like a bad dream I can't get out
and i can't take another second without you here
we tried time and over as it died
maybe I'm the one to blame here
girl just know i love you too
now we're done so here we go again
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take my hand?
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| it still brings a smile to my face. |
[23 Jul 2008|12:08am] |
with all of the things that have been happening lately, i feel like i'm the one person looking out for something else to get busy with.
ive been essentially wasting away at my moms house for the past week and a half.(minus the weekend.) although its semi refreshing, i still would rather be sitting by the pool before i go to work. it seems like everything is happening now. everything i would want to do is happening once i go away for a little bit. i have noticed a trend though. while staying at my mom's, its easier to hold a job down. BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO.
all i do here is basically sit on the computer, watch terrible late night television (we only have basic cable), or look at pictures of people i want to look like. its quite unhealthy. i started a diet journal today, just because i thought that going on a diet/ writing down everything i eat would be a fun way to pass the time. aka obsess over something, just to have something to do.
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my first entry (of many daily entries) read.
Day 1 7/22/08
cw: 120
stgw: 115
ltgw: 105-108
foods consumed:
salad w/ cheese and olives-300 cal ( i round up)
ALOT of brownie batter-350 cal
diet coke-0 cal
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so sad that i have to take something to obsess over to actually have something to do.
on the relationship front:
brandon and i had an amazing weekend. i feel so distant from him sometimes though (and not in the literal sense) his goals and realizations on life are completely different from the things i need/ want.
*goes to get glass of wine*
so much better.
i'm talking to a good friend right now, and everytime i do, i get a little happier.
work as of right now is perfect. i got to move away from obesewhiteyetthinksshesblack girl. i sit next to bill now. he is my hero. he is a forty-ish gay man with the most infectious laugh i have ever heard. i think despite the age gap, we have potential to be best friends. creepy clint still tries to talk to me, even if it is more infrequent now (i mentioned the boyfriend) he still is...... creepy clint. every hour we get about a twenty minute break, and an hour lunch. our trainer always lets us dismiss early, and the subject matter is incredibly easy to remember. all in all, i get paid to sit around, listen, write some stuff down, and take long cigarette breaks. its a win win right now.
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take my hand?
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| poppin bottles... |
[14 Jul 2008|12:21am] |
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for my last weekend in wadsworth, i would say it was a success.
although friday was mildly disappointing, it had a lot of great moments. i had meaningful conversations with somebody whom i thought i would never talk to. we discussed art, and the overall lack of it in mrs. nedoh's curriculum, pittsburgh, and what it is to truly be creative. i'd almost thought that under different life circumstances, we would've made a most spectacular twosome. got drunk, had to undrunk to take lexie home. (boo) overall, i enjoyed myself to the fullest i could have. so and so didnt show, with the thoughts that i may have started drama. for the most part i think i'm pretty neutral about a lot of things, if so and so had shown, all i would've asked is for a simple apology, and hope to sweep things under the rug to not be brought back out from under. if need be, i stand up for myself, but i do not hold onto things that aren't a big deal. i'm not that kind of person, nor shall i be.
tomorrow i start a new job. hopefully i can also find another part time job to keep me busy while i'm up in c-falls. in all reality, i know people up there, but i dont want to hang out with them.
warped tour hopefully is happening this week. !!!excitement!!! i have never been, and it would be awesome to finally make it. anberlin is playing, they're pretttty much the best.
for the past two days i've been in a terrible mood. partly because of the fact that i am leaving a place that i love, to a place that i am barely familiar and semi afriad of. oh well, no matter. i am taking a large bag filled with various fabric bits and old clothings that i can hopefully re-style to my liking. along with a huge old gym sack of magazines to collage with.
julz and i set alabaster free today. on my way home i thought i'd go check on him. he died within his first hour of being free. poor old fitchy. kind of reminds you what boundries are automatically set up for you when you're born, and if you're set free, how strong you have to be to keep alive. he was blind anyway, i dont think the other school would've accepted him so much.
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take my hand?
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| danger! danger! high voltage. when we touch... when we kiss. |
[07 Jul 2008|12:14pm] |
this weekend was rather entertaining. after being bored and laying out by the pool with lexie for the majority of the day, i decided to make some usefullness out of myself and took a shower. hannah was supposed to come get me around 6. needless to say, i had to fart around for an extra twenty minutes (i.e. putting on more makeup and trying to perfect the mess that is my hair) nevertheless, hannah got me, and we sped up to her aunt and uncles. its always in her car that we try to reach mach 1. we went to dantes in independence. holy god i was full after eating half a bowl of risotto. all in all. uncle mike was telling us horror tales of the e.r. such as the "rat in her gina" tale, and the "shes got a tree growin outer gina" tale. take into account he did do his residency in south carolina. amazing stuff.
after dinner we changed our clothes. being dressed all fancy for too long makes me squirm. then headed up to the highland square. we sat around and watched movies, had a drink, and pretty much passed out. johns upstairs neighbors are a bunch of dj's that i guess used to play up at the limespider before it got shut down.
oh god. grandpa is here in the renacci doraty chevy crazy tie dye van.
anyway. i wanted to head upstairs and enjoy the techno goodness, but i knew there were drugs up there and i had to keep myself away from it. badness.
so he totally just took a piss without closing the door and obviously didn't realize i was sitting right across the hallway! oh dear jesus.
sunday we went and got coffee from angel falls. it was strong, and bitter, the correct way you should drink your coffee. i called brandon and he told me his mom is in the hospital. nervousness and nauscia ensued. after a while of sitting around we went to two turtles, where i wanted to find an animal to liberate. the cages were all covered up, and the gerbils looked peaceful, so i refrained.
hannah brought me home then i went to see bran. we headed up to the hospital. my least favorite place. last time i was there was when i went to see paige after having landon. it was hard enough in itself going there to see bran's mom, let alone the memories that came rushing when i realized my previous visit. momma seemed to be okay, she's lost some dextricity in her hands, she almost seemed drunk. they didnt' have her on anything, so it was a little odd. we stayed for a little while, then she told us that we should go. bran and i gave her kisses and told her we loved her. bran held her hand and she started crying because she wanted to go home. he held it all in until we got into the elevator. its hard to see him like that. we dont know if she had a minor stroke, or if she may have some plaque build-up in her arteries. i think we'll find out later today. hopefully its nothing too serious.
last nights sleep consisted of some ridiculous dreams. of which, there was a party where a bunch of bands played (that i all know personally) after they were all done playing, we all partied together. everybody i know was there too. people i like, and others i dont have much affection for. yet we all got along and it was chill. one band member (lets just say he's blonde and skinny) noticed i was there. he came up and gave me a bunch of shit for not talking to him, and stringing him along. i felt horrible, and i told him that i wish i had done things differently and that i knew if we stayed together he would've treated me right, and the way we clicked was different from anybody else i had ever dated. in short, we made up, in a big (drunken)way.
i hate dreams like that. hate hate hate them.
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spankies's journal
nostalgic